Just Joy

It was starting to wear me down. School that is and time and people. At first, moving away from home, starting college, meeting new people and learning brand new stuff about photography was all a pretty big adventure. But I'm just in the second half of this first semester and have already felt the steadily growing weight resting on my shoulders. It has been a struggle dealing with people who are completely different from me, to keep being who God has made me to be. I never knew the temptation of gossip so strong before, the desire to dress to please others, the unhealthy language and conversation so consistently humming in my ears. I have just passed two years of knowing Christ as my personal savior. Through those two years I grew so close to Him. I was surrounded by loving friends and family who also loved God. I was ready to either get married or take on the calling God gave me to the mission field. Or so I thought...my parents and I prayed about my future. It was their wish I go to college first. I took their advice. I prayed so hard about it. I looked for every out possible but God always seemed to bring me back to it. So, I decided to go. And then suddenly it was like I was plunged into a major battle over my heart and my mind. I have woken up crying most days. Yeah, I admit to how weak that is of me. It's not been an easy year. A death in the family of a very, very close loved one, a decision of my future I wasn't comfortable with, the boy I hope to marry someday leaving with the army and being gone almost a year, my best friend running away to her abusive boyfriend, nineteen credit hours, work, being a mentor to middle schoolers once a week, feeling so utterly alone everyday, surrounded by people who mock the One I love and desire most in life, quitting a worship band I loved being apart of, quitting a half marathon I've been looking forward to all year because school is just too busy...these little things, these big things, they got inside me and brewed in my mind all year. How I just buried them away to deal with later, I don't know how but recently they've overflowed and spilled out of me. This past weekend, my parents asked me why I have been so depressed. I told them I missed Gabe, I told them how I have never faced sin like I have until now and how I feel like I'm failing every day. I told them of my loneliness. But I told them that most of all I wanted my joy back. The joy I once had in Jesus. How that now I never felt so far from him. I had begun to ask God if he was really there. Why would this be his will for me? Every dream I had for my future seemed impossible, I really couldn't see the point of my going to school for photography. It had little to do with what I was really passionate about. Helping people who nobody else will help. Yet, my dad told me that he too has been struggling with depression, with lack of joy. And he explained how much we have to rejoice in. Namely, our salvation. How Jesus told the disciples who were rejoicing over healings and teachings that they should rather rejoice over their names being written in the book of life. That alone, is our reason for joy. Also, how there are always others who have more burdens than we do and that we should be thankful for what we do have. And my mom summed up all he said by saying that in truth, joy comes from being thankful. And I knew she was right. I could recall how wonderful the world seemed when one looked for every good thing in it. So, I began thanking God for every blessing, for every hardship, for every circumstance for every beautiful fall tree, or colorful sunset, or small child. I have a little book now I carry with me and write down these things. I plan to go past 1,000 gifts I plan to never stop counting the gifts God has given me. It made me realize that this place I am in, this time in my life is preparing me, it's drawing me closer to Christ in a way that I've never known before and it's shaping my character. It's funny how easy it is for your eyes to close to these truths. How easy it is to believe that you are alone. Before I truly became a Christian, I lived a hypocritical life, thinking I was a christian yet ashamed of it as I lived only for myself, caught up in my boyfriend and caring only about the things of this world. I didn't think that you could enjoy life being a 'strict Christian' that there was little freedom in it. But I was so wrong, so stinkin blind. I know now that yes, following Christ is a matter of dying to self as he did. It's a life of struggle, poverty in certain things, turning the other cheek when others offend you, giving the grace every single day at every moment that He gave to you. That's not natural for us, that doesn't sound like freedom. But it's these very things in our life that chain us, that weigh us down. And that in doing this, we are being liberated from them. And though living for Christ is a lot about denying ourselves, we are not denied of his blessings. And I continue to learn all this. Continue to fall and get back up again. Continue to press forward, to trust my savior. I will choose to have joy. He gave me unconditional love, he gave me freedom, he gave me his life...what more do I need to be joyful about? My cup is overflowing.

1. My parents and their support
2. Twin lens
3. For Granddad
4. For Stoneville and country people
5. For a radio that works






I listen to this a lot of mornings now...

"The mountains are calling and I must go"

I'm riding with my sister back to our parents' house in Stoneville. Today we toured Mars Hill in Asheville, NC. What a beautiful place. Afterwards, I took Nan's senior pictures and shot some stuff for school with my twin lens. We went up the Blue Ridge Parkway some, stopping for good pictures and admiring the beauty around us. Now, Nat king Cole is soft through our speakers, the day becoming darker. I feel incredibly blessed. Weekends with my parents, with my little sis are so rejuvenating after long weeks at school. What with papers to write, tests to study for, assignments to shoot, homework like nobody's business and long hours in the lab or (blech) in math. I feel revived and energized. Something about my family I will always appreciate is their love for the outdoors. And it's the outdoors that gets into your soul. That and their daily encouragement to keep a submissive spirit to Christ. That always helps. We have fun together. And today was one of those days where we went out without a plan (the best way really). No matter we were running out of gas coming down the mountain, or that I took ten years to take one photo on my film camera or that we showed up an hour late to our appointment. It's all part of the adventure. But thankfully, people are understanding. Cause being late really ain't all that good. Now, one more thing to mention, probably the most important thing. The leaves are beautiful. They just really are. The smell of them when they are burning, the colors when they are changing, the multitude of them over blanketed mountains. They are wonderful and show off our wonderful Creator. Through them, I saw autumn vividly for the first time this year. 

And it was wonderful.

Photo cred to Nan

Jamaica No Problem

“The people who influence us most are not those who buttonhole us and talk to us, but those who live their lives like the stars in heaven and the lilies in the field, perfectly simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mold” This quote of one of my favorite authors, Oswald Chambers, I believe applies really well to my experience in Jamaica. Though the trip was totally beneficial for me, I struggled knowing whether or not I was really making a difference in the lives of others there that we came across. I'll begin with saying that God is truly gracious and amazing. He provided and protected, he gave us opportunities to reach out to the staff in our hotel and strangers, children and teachers, pastors and friends and also oppurtunities to encourage fellow Christians. I remember feeling overwhelming joy as I glimpsed around the corner of a school building and saw our Pastor praying with a few people who wanted to receive salvation. I won't forget the time we looked into one of the containers at a school and found Trinity Church boxes of food. Ones that were supposed to go to Haiti. I even made a friend from Jamaica while I was there. Jonesy, the man who drove us all over the place in the bus, had brought along his step-grandson, Tahjae Thomas. We were pretty surprised to see this young guy. Seated by himself, he was quiet and soft-spoken. I was curious and so I began asking Tahjae questions and soon we were in a deep conversation ranging from cars and instruments, to family and religion. This was one of our days traveling to schools in the country and believe me there was a LOT of traveling. So we talked all day. The first fifteen minutes I could hardly understand Tahjae but I think after the fourth time, I had just nodded my headed to whatever he was saying he started to talk more clearly for me. Tahjae is twelve years old, his parents separated, his relationship with Christ extending only as far as baptism is concerned. He loves music, he makes his own drums and guitars out of nature and he wants to be a race car driver when he grows up. I could see the mirth and joy in his eyes whenever he joked, which was quite a bit. I also felt his sadness when he told me the story of the death of one of his siblings. He even taught me a little how to talk as he does. It was really enriching for me, to get to know him and I hoped he would be on the bus the next day. I never saw him again. It was the same with the school kids we visited each day. I wanted to be able to pour all I could into every individual child's life but how could I? I never saw them again. Yet, it enriched me. Did it enrich them? Did I somehow show them some partial resemblance to Christ I could muster in the very little time we had? Would they remember that Christ sent us, Christ loved them and that He had plans for them? When I was alone I kept asking God, what was going to happen to all these kids? To Tahjae? But as it continued to break my heart, I sought Christ out. Would he use us to pour his blessings on them? To plant seeds? I opened my Bible and I came back to a verse I had memorized probably eight years ago and had forgotten. "For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, And do not return there without watering the earth And making it bear and sprout, And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:10, 11. And then, praying that passage in Deuteronomy, “God, Let my teaching from you fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants,” I was at peace. It's only Christ that can do such a thing and do it through us. I know I'll carry this with me when I'm on the mission field and when I am back in my hometown. Where ever we are, God's voice is there and I can only thank Him for the privilege it is to carry it with me where ever I go, singing his Glory for all to hear.

“May he rule from sea to sea

  and from the River to the ends of the earth.

May his name endure forever;
    may it continue as long as the sun.

Then all nations will be blessed through him,
    and they will call him blessed.

For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help.
He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death.
He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight.

Praise be to the Lord God, the God of Israel,
    who alone does marvelous deeds.
19 Praise be to his glorious name forever;    may the whole earth be filled with his glory”

Me and Tahjae

Radiant, his bride

I love weddings. During this month, Nan and I gave my sister Mary a wedding shower. We were so thrilled at the turn out. A comment from one of the guests, "it was a 'Pinterest-like' shower." Pinterest really was our source for all the ideas that went into the shower. It is so helpful to have! My hope is that Mary enjoyed herself and it was relaxing for her.

Nan preparing for the shower

Andrew, eating lunch before he and the other guys are kicked out of the house

The beautiful bride opening her many gifts

Molly, Mary and Grace. (Best friends since kindergarten)

Cousin Alain and Aunt Sarah

Mary holding Ela, Lauren, Claire, Nan, Mom holding Piper and me

 I've had a lot of fun helping Mary with preparations for the wedding. I've loved finding myself a bridesmaid dress and attending multiple showers in Mary's honor. I am thrilled for her. Having all this wedding stuff in our house gets me excited for the one to come in May but it also gets me anxious for my own. There is so much excitement involved, excitement building up as it leads to the big day.

 I can say I can't wait for my own but yet I can and still do. 

Being called to the mission field, I have a feeling I may be waiting even longer...who knows.

Lovable Claire!

Two gorgeous women!

There was no food left, a great sign!

Goofing off  instead of cleaning up

Props for He Said She Said

Bon Voyage!

Friends, Amy and Serina

Gigi holding Piper

 It was always my dream to marry pretty young and be a wife and mother. Letting go of those dreams isn't easy especially at this time. I've never been too set on getting a career, trying to 'impact the world.' I really think the simple yet hard things Christ has shown us, losing your life for Him, loving others as you would love yourself, pouring yourself out are the things that change this world. Marriage is meant to be just that. And it amazing, this example God left us. As much as I would love to marry my high school sweet heart after graduation it is evident God is leading us in different directions right now, to different countries in fact. A wedding will have to wait a long time. Being his own design, weddings are a clear reflection of our relationship with Christ. Knowing I have that already, helps calm me and provides for me the strength I need not to envy or to pity myself. In such gracious ways God has shown me his unending devotion, he has been the true love of my life. No effort of my own could have made this become a reality in my life, it is all Him. The beautiful design of marriage on earth just mirrors the remarkable marriage we have with Jesus Christ. I cherish this beautiful description from a book I read last year written by Sarah Mally. I love this for myself and I love this for Mary. In each way it is for all of us.

The relationship of man and wife and the relationship of Christ and his bride.

1. Both relationships are permanent.


2. Both are intimate.


3. Both require waiting-waiting for a wedding, waiting for Christ's return.


4. Both are based on love and commitment.


5. In both, the two become one-husband and wife become one flesh; those who are saved become members of Christ's body (Eph. 5:29-31, John 17:21).


6. Both are covenants and formed by vows Marriage- "I do" Salvation-"If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus (Rom. 10:9)


7. Both are exclusive. They are not shared by another-no adultery, no idolatry.


8. Both have a starting moment. When you were born in the world, you were neither married nor saved. Marriage requires a ceremony; salvation requires a decision.


9. Both relationships make us complete


10. Both have a wedding/marriage supper-a wedding banquet on earth, the marriage supper of the Lamb in heaven (Rev. 19).


11. Both are sealed with a sign-marriage with a ring, salvation with the Holy Spirit.


12. Both have an authority structure, a head to the relationship to whom the other desires to submit-the wife submits to her husband as the believer submits to Christ.


13. In both, even though there is an authority structure, the relationship is based on a friendship-" I have called you friends" (John 15:15)


14. In both, the groom must leave his home. Christ left His Father in order to come to earth and win His bride. A man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife (Eph.5:31)


15. In both relationships, the head is the initiator.


16. Both require a sacrificial love on the part of the head. A husband is commanded to love as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it (Eph. 5:25)


17. In both, the head is the provider and protector.


18. In both, the husband prepares a residence-a man provides a home on earth, Christ provides a home in heaven.


19. In both relationships, the bride becomes beautiful by a submissive spirit and inner qualities of godliness (I Peter 3:1-6)


20. In both, the bride's exclusive desire is to please and serve her head.


21. In both, the bride becomes radiant with joy


22. Both relationships grow sweeter with time.


23. In both relationships, each owns the other. "I an my beloved 's and my beloved is mine" (Song of Sol. 6:3, I Cor. 7:4)


24. In both relationships, each fills the other's heart (Psalm 139:17, Col. 1 :27)


25. Both relationships provide a "satisfaction" that can be found nowhere else. We are satisfied by a relationship with God and by being in His presence. Likewise, we are satisfied by our spouse, even just by being in their presence.

"While we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ." -Tit. 2:13